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So, we've had the awards for 2002. Now my predictions for
2003 telly events. Someone remind me of these
later in the year!
Angus Deayton will return as host of
Have I Got News For You in the next
series. Nice little ratings boost, again. Paul
Merton & Ian Hislop will extract the urine in a particularly evil
manner, and remind him that Boris Johnson
was funnier.
Big Brother 4 will be a resounding flop.
After Jade's naked exploits &
PJ the BJ, there's only one thing left, and even Channel 4
wouldn't have the nerve. However, I will still watch it. Sad but true.
I'm a Celebrity 2 will feature
Ian Botham, Ulrika Jonsson, Chris Evans, Charlotte
Church, Richard Whitely and Jade. The publicity-hungry alleged
celebs will have to spend two weeks roughing it like natives on a council
estate on the edge of Slough.
Louis Theroux will get thumped by one
the victims of his next "Louis meets..."
series.
Channel 5 will jump onto the "Shameless Self-Promotion" bandwagon by making
Porn Stars. Rik
Waller will attempt to go on this too. And the
Cheeky Girls. (that's a threesome
nightmares are made of). Simon Fuller
will once again be one of the judges.
The new series of Bad Girls will feature
Patsy Palmer as a tv license dodging
single mum, locked up for 90 days but released after 2 weeks when a local
newspaper launches a campaign for her freedom.
Kerry Katona/McFadden will once again
try and be a TV presenter, on yet another ill-conceived show that no-one
watches. However, her chest will have reached such dimensions that she falls
forwards halfway through the third show and is embedded in the concrete of
the studio floor. An industrial crane will be called to rescue her, but
unfortunately the floor will have to be destroyed.
Trude off Vets
In Practice will launch her own fitness video after the birth of
her baby, and be given a daytime tv show mixing animal healthcare and
Scandinavian cookery.
David "Orange" Dickinson will come out
in a heart-rending TV interview as a trans-sexual. His former name will be
revealed as Judith Chalmers. (well,
have you ever seen them in the same room?)
OK, don't believe me!
Lorraine
Previous reviews
UK TV awards 2002 the
Lorr's Lorraine's lyrical
tribute to xmas TV Issue
34 33
32
31
30
29
28 27 26
25
24 23
22
21 20
New Year Retro Review
Christmas Retro
Review
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