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So, we've had the awards for 2002. Now my predictions for 2003 telly events. Someone remind me of these later in the year!

Angus Deayton will return as host of Have I Got News For You in the next series. Nice little ratings boost, again.  Paul Merton & Ian Hislop will extract the urine in a particularly evil manner, and remind him that Boris Johnson was funnier.

Big Brother 4 will be a resounding flop. After Jade's naked exploits & PJ the BJ, there's only one thing left, and even Channel 4 wouldn't have the nerve. However, I will still watch it. Sad but true.

I'm a Celebrity 2 will feature Ian Botham, Ulrika Jonsson, Chris Evans, Charlotte Church, Richard Whitely and Jade. The publicity-hungry alleged celebs will have to spend two weeks roughing it like natives on a council estate on the edge of Slough.

Louis Theroux will get thumped by one the victims of his next "Louis meets..." series.

Channel 5 will jump onto the "Shameless Self-Promotion" bandwagon by making Porn StarsRik Waller will attempt to go on this too. And the Cheeky Girls.  (that's a threesome nightmares are made of). Simon Fuller will once again be one of the judges.

The new series of Bad Girls will feature Patsy Palmer as a tv license dodging single mum, locked up for 90 days but released after 2 weeks when a local newspaper launches a campaign for her freedom.

Kerry Katona/McFadden will once again try and be a TV presenter, on yet another ill-conceived show that no-one watches. However, her chest will have reached such dimensions that she falls forwards halfway through the third show and is embedded in the concrete of the studio floor. An industrial crane will be called to rescue her, but unfortunately the floor will have to be destroyed.

Trude off Vets In Practice will launch her own fitness video after the birth of her baby, and be given a daytime tv show mixing animal healthcare and Scandinavian cookery.

David "Orange" Dickinson will come out in a heart-rending TV interview as a trans-sexual. His former name will be revealed as Judith Chalmers.  (well, have you ever seen them in the same room?)

OK, don't believe me!


Previous reviews

UK TV awards 2002 the Lorr's    Lorraine's lyrical tribute to xmas TV

 Issue 34   33    32   31  30   29   28  27  26   25  24   23   22  21   20

New Year  Retro Review  Christmas  Retro Review

Celebrity Bashings

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