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Who's this new bloke presenting "Family Fortunes"(ITV weekdays, 5.30)?                 Max Bygraves, Bob Monkhouse, Les Dennis and errrr, Andy Collins?  Steve Penk-lite would be more like it. Dancing to the theme tune is not a good idea. It was embarassing on Blockbusters, cringeworthy on Ricki Lake, and now it's just plain OLD. Get a new gimmick. And bring back Les.

And while we're talking about new people on old shows... Frankie Dettori on
"A Question of Sport"(BBC1, Fri 7pm)?  OK so there's a history of jockeys as team captains, but you could understand about half of Willie Carson's comments. If they really needed an unintelligible European sports start, couldn't they have asked the lovely Daveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed Ginola? Sue Barker and I could have swooned quite happily then.

I knew something was missing from the weekends. Seems that it was "Blind Date" (ITV, Sat 6pm)  Yep, Cilla's torturing my telly once again. I've never quite seen the attraction of this, though the extra bitchiness does add a little something. We had an email come round work last week asking us to a closed audition for Blind Date, none of that queueing up outside a hotel with the riff-raff for me. There's something quite depressing about being that desperate for attention that you'll go on TV, make really lame innuendoes and admit that you are so ugly you can't pull if people can see your face. In other words, I decided not to apply. And errr... anyone like to guess why Blue were on?  New single to promote maybe?

Ooooooooh, new "Have I Got News For You?" (BBC2, Fri 9.30)  Well, plenty's
happened during their summer break - so why are they still focusing on the same stories as the end of the last series. Oh, yes, another newspaper report that Angus has been playing away from home. Handy that, don't you think?  I don't know why this is still so addictive, it's beyond predictable, but I love it anyway.

"Fame, Set and Match - Breakfast TV" (BBC2, Sat 9.10pm)  This looks a promising series. Jeremy Beadle was a bit of a surprise, I don't remember him being on TV-AM, but maybe I've blocked out the bad memories.  I guess he had the same effect as Timmy Mallett, Chris Evans, and eventually the whole team at RI:SE - you couldn't go back to bed because you want to hit them so much.

"Top Gear" (BBC2, Sun 8pm)  New series, old presenter.  Jeremy Clarkson is back where he belongs. Tiff, Quentin, and that posh bird can stay on Channel 5, there is only one man for Top Gear, and that's Jezza. My knowledge of cars goes as far as how to put petrol in mine, but I still watch this. Jezza is a god. Another new look for the show, which seems to have had more looks than Michael Jackson, lets hope Jezza and the longer shows can save it, Top Gear is an institution.


Picture from BBC - Top Gear

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