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"The Crocodile Hunter Diaries" (ITV, Tues, Wed, Thur 5.05) Why?  He's a masochist, she's a frustrated nursery nurse.  Is this the sort of thing we should be inflicting on the nation's children?  Make them stop, please?

"Daniel Deronda"(BBC1, Sat 8.55)  This is not Saturday night telly. Costume dramas are for Sunday teatime. I think there's a law or something. They're meant to be accompanied by hot buttered crumpets & a light snooze. Not Saturdays.  Grrr.

"An audience with Donny Osmond" (ITV, Sat 9.20)  Hmmmmm, the sweet smell of
approaching accountants.  If it's not for the money, why else is Donny doing this?  Pond, sorry, WESTlife & Blue, OK they've got albums & Christmas singles to promote, but do their fans (or themselves, come to think of it) know who the aging geezer with the big teeth is?  Thought not.  Mindless.

"Smash Hits T4 Pollwinners Party 2002" (Ch4, Sun 4.40)  You can tell it's getting towards Christmas when the Poll Winners Party's on.  The Brits for pre-teens (and Pond, sorry, WESTlife fans)  Despite the huge screens, Mad Japanese style imaging, and even Gareth Gates, it's never been as good as the time the bloke from Carter USM hit Phillip Schofield.  Or maybe I'm just getting old?

I'd like to pretend I watched "Dr Zhivago" (ITV, Sun 9pm), after my little rant against Saturday night costume dramas.  But you know I didn't.  I watched "Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves" (BBC1, Sun 7.50) to see Kevin Costner's bottom, then turned over to Celeb Big Brother.  I don't do culture that close to Monday morning.

OK, here it is.  You've been waiting for this one.  "Celebrity Big Brother" (CH4 & E4, various)  It's not really a surprise I'm watching this, is it?  Goldie, Anne Diamond, Sue Perkins, Melinda Messenger, Les Dennis, Mark Owen. It's people who weren't famous enough for "I'm a Celebrity..."  Do any of these people have current contracts?  An occasional musician & ex Eastenders actor.  An ex breakfast TV presenter.  A sometimes radio presenter & ex daytime TV presenter.  An ex Pg3 girl & ex Channel 5 presenter.  An ex gameshow host.  An ex boyband member.  What word links the above?  Ex

They've definitely tried to rework last year's successful stereotypes.  Keith=Mark, Vanessa=Anne, Chris=Goldie, Jack=Les.  I'm not sure how to match Sue & Melinda against Anthea & Clare though.

And, in all honesty, I'm feeling let down.  Not by the total lack of interest this series has inspired in me.  But by the Channel 4 viewers.  Young, hip, happening Channel 4, even younger, hipper & happeninger E4.  And given the choice between Goldie and Les Dennis, they chose to keep Les in the house.  OK he's a legend, OK Family Fortunes isn't the same without him, but he's Les Dennis, and so far all I've seen him do is fart.  My dad can do
that, but I wouldn't want to see him on Big Brother.


Picture from BBC - Drama - Daniel Deronda click to visit

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