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(BBC1 Wed, 7.30) I'm not going to lie to you. I can't pretend
to be anything other than delighted to find a new series of Big Break
on the telly but ... Wednesday? Another couple of series and
it'll be on at lunchtime, and that would be so wrong! There's
only one time for this, and that's Saturday evening, before the big
gameshow of the night, just to get you in the mood. Mid-week
is just not right. And Dominic Dale, what do you think you
For those who were wondering why I didn't review "Celebrity Fit Club" (ITV
Fri, 8pm) last week - I was out having a life, and my video's
broken. However, week 2, and I'm in front of the tv with a
packet of biscuits. There are some pictures the world should
never have to endure - John Major & Edwina Currie's sexual
antics, Ainsley Harriott's grin, and now, worse than all of those - Rik
Waller in shorts. I'm feeling ill. Ick!
Popstars wasn't enough, the Beeb have leapt upon the bandwagon with all
the imagination of a five year old copying his big brother's every word
with "Fame Academy"
(BBC1 Fri, 8.30) Even the delectable Patrick Kielty and Cat
Deeley (something for everyone there) can't make me want to watch even
more hopeless wannabes pimping their negligible talents for their 30
seconds of notoriety. Look at Hear'Say. It doesn't
work kids, get over it! And yourselves.
There's a few things in life you can rely on. Rainy bank
holidays, trains running late, and a new series of Heartbeat (ITV
Sun, 8pm) As this is series 12, I've got to ask - how is it
still the mid 60's? There are times when you want to be
educated or challenged by tv, Sunday night isn't one of
them. Heartbeat is candyfloss, I know, but candyfloss is what
I need before going back to work on Monday morning.
"What Jade did Next"
(Ch4 Thu, 9pm) Sadly "Get an Education", or "Shut Up" weren't
among her experiences. Let's face it, Big Brother is essential
for 9 weeks, but after that somehow the "stars" turn into human
laxatives. (and if you need to know what that means, email me)
Hoaxer" (Ch4 Mon 9pm) Karl Powers -
Monobrow Man. He's a prat, but a vaguely entertaining
prat. Despite sitting through an hour of this, I'm still no
clearer about the motivation for these "stunts", except being
self-promoting fools. And apparently they have a plan for
what to do next. Here's an idea for you lads - GET A JOB!
22 Issue 21 Issue 20
New Year Retro Review Christmas Retro Review