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"Ali G In Da USAiii" (Ch4, Fri 10.00) OK, I admit it, I don't like Ali G, I just want to smack the fake goatee right across the room. And half of this was Sasha Baron Cohen as other characters anyway, so can I have my money back for false advertising? And for the fact he is responsible for both Richard Madeley in a yellow tracksuit, and a nation of 9 year old boys shouting "Booyakasha" for no obvious reason, he must be stopped. Please? I can't believe this was only half an hour long, felt like a week!

"Reborn in the USA" (ITV, Sat 6.00) The Final!  The moment we've (OK, I've) been waiting for. Tony Hadley vs Michelle Gayle. Not the final people were expecting, but Michelle has impressed me a lot, she's proved that she can sing much better than I thought.Tony Hadley was always going to win though, no questions asked.  Wonder how many more votes he would have got if he'd sung "True" or "Gold" instead of "Through The Barricades"? Trouble with this show is that the timings kept changing, I missed a couple of episodes because it had moved AGAIN!  Grrrr. And now it's all over,
Davina's back in the country.  Expect at least three new shows in the next
couple of months (Oh, and BB4)

"I'd Do Anything" (BBC1, Sat 6.00)  Desperate for Publicity! Ian Wright is a footballer, he should stick to kicking a ball around, and talking about football, not presenting Saturday night tv. This is beyond dire. Should never have been allowed.  It's blatently not about the prizes, it's all about people who want to get their faces on the telly and then spend the next week going round their local radio stations as "Special Guests", believing they're going to get discovered. Bah.

"I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here" (ITV, Mon 9pm, then all week)  OK, define celebrity?  Ex-failed model who was the bimbo on series 2 of Don't Forget Your Toothbrush, ex-Corrie actor, Ex-dancer, Ex-Eastenders actress & cocaine addict, Celeb Chef, Celeb decorator, ex-singer & kids tv voice-over, ex-cricketer, Weathergirl better known for dating the Welsh Lib Dem bloke, ex-footballer & former Gladiators presenter. What's the most common word?  EX! It's another series of "I'm a Failure, Get Me A New Career". I'm starting my campaign now, Vote Wayne Sleep for every challenge! If he wants a new career, he's going to have to work for it!  And vote Toyah off before she carries out her threat to take her clothes off!  Please?

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Lorraines predictions for 2003

UK TV awards 2002 the Lorr's    Lorraine's lyrical tribute to xmas TV

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