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"The Big Impression" (BBC1, Fri, 9.00)  aka Alistair McGowan's Big Impression. Much better title seeing as Ronni Ancona is at least as funny, more so when she's being Davina. Spot On. The Sex & The City spoof was fantastic, please let that be a regular one? Mark Lawrenson as a pole dancer was an image I hoped would never burn itself across my retina, but now it has, I'm going to be plagued by the nightmares for the rest of my life. If this column goes very quiet over the next few weeks, you'll know

"Bad Girls" (ITV, Thu 9.00)  Wheeeeeeeee!  Happy Fun Time again! Shell Dockley's back (and glowering already), Shaz is dead, Babs is deaf, and Snowball is the worst actress I've ever seen outside of Sunset Beach. First show of the series, far too long of a wait since the last one, and most of the show was taken up with updates and reminders, but even so I'm a happy bunny. Unplug the phones, I've got a regular Thursday night booking.

"Have I Got News For You" (BBC1, Fri 9.30)  Have I got news for Charlotte Church?  You were blooming hopeless my girl. Go back to wailing at old grannies, and leave popular television presenting to people who can talk and blink at the same time. Should she even be allowed to stay up that late? And the last time I saw so much mascara on one face, it was on Ruth Madoc. Hmmm, I guess they don't have many more recent role models in the valleys, eh? Bring Back Angus Now!

"100 Worst Britons" (CH4, Sat 8.00)  Atomic Kitten Woz Robbed. They should have been much higher up the list!  See also: Naseem Hamed, Neil & Christine Hamilton and Vic Hervey.  And, how come if you couldn't vote for anyone dead or in prison, Harry Potter came in at number 35? A fictional character is considerably less British than Jeffrey Archer!  Hmmmm, very strange indeed.  And what did my beloved Robbie do to upset so many people?

"I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here" (ITV, all week)  Keep it to one time slot please? Anyway, AWT Woz Robbed. That's all I've got to say on the subject. I'm going to sulk in the corner now. And I hope Wayne Sleep's foot drops off.

Quiz answer of the week.  A small glass of orange juice.

Picture from BBC news Wales

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Lorraines predictions for 2003

UK TV awards 2002 the Lorr's    Lorraine's lyrical tribute to xmas TV

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